Last night was sleepless. I tossed and turned literally the whole night. I was trying to catch my sleep when the strangest thoughts started playing in my head. I started to panic. I rang Pranav (I was in the bedroom, he in the living room -- I'm lazy like that) to come quick. I started to babble on and on about how, in 16 years, I would be 50.



50! Half a century old, and at the moment, with nothing, still, to prove. I have yet to get married, and yet to have kids. I need to find a job where I would be really, really happy. We need to buy our own property, and visit each others' countries. I started getting emotional, and he started...laughing. Tsk! I wasn't being taken seriously, but he explained that 16 years was still a long time for a lot to happen in between. We need to just focus on the day to day, and it will all work out. After the impromptu long talk we had, I finally drifted off to sleep, although it really was a short and mababaw sleep.



I realize now how funny I must have sounded, to have a panic attack out of the blue, but a part of me deep inside is still really scared. At 50, both our parents (his and mine), were accomplished, settled, fulfilled, and had been and done everything. I am overwhelmed by the thought of so much to do in 16 years, and my heart becomes anxious. But I am comforted by the reassurance that I will have the next 16 years with him, however and wherever. I thank the Lord for Pranav everyday.