I am reposting this entry I wrote several years ago. Happy Father's Day, Dad! I love you much!

Sunday, June 19, 2005

THANK YOU, DAD

Today is Father's Day, all over the world. Though I
wasn't able to speak to my dad, I sent him an sms and
was actually chatting with him (and my mom) last
night, and was even able to 'see' him & say goodnight.

I went to church today, and the service was all about
Fathers. I was remembering my dad so much, and so many
parts of the word brought tears to my eyes. I miss my
dad. I can never get used to being thousands of miles
away, no matter how much time has passed. My heart
will always long for home. And it's my mom and dad I
miss most of all.

Indeed how blessed I am for being born into my family,
for having parents such as mine. I grew up
priviledged, and had a happy childhood. How I was
brought up is something I'm very proud of, because it
has given me character, which has proven to be most
useful, now that I'm far from my family. I sometimes
watch other people, and wonder. What could have
happened to them in their life that made them the way
they are?

I know I am the way I am because I grew up this way. I
have parents who love each other, and who are actually
good friends. Till today, I see them still so
connected to each other. They are each others'
partner. They still kiss and they cuddle. They are
true-blue foodies, enjoying new places as much as
their old faithfuls. They watch movies together, go
gimmick together. They sing together. They dance
together. I love watching them dance, having fun and
being happy together.

I have my dad to thank for this and a lot more. My
dad, who works hard from morning till night to finish
jobs he has set out to do. When I was growing up, even
if he had to stay late at the office, he made sure we
still spent quality time. I grew up going to the beach
every summer (and christmas), Caliraya almost every
weekend in the summer, the zoo, the parks, the movies, the plays,
the shows (Holiday on Ice every single year -- even until
now!!!)

My dad who is everyone's dad, even my cousins, they
seek his advice and find comfort in his wisdom. My dad
who is the mediator in family disputes, whose counsell
everyone trusts. My dad who loves his employees, who
is good to their families.

My dad who is always wanting the best for his
children, giving even when it hurts. My dad who has
supported me and my (in)decisions, not always happy
with the choices I've made, but has given me my own
space, and allowed me room to grow and and make my own
mistakes and learn from them.

My dad is a good provider. He is a good son, and
brother, and husband. My dad is the best dad, not only
because he is MY dad, but because it is true. Anyone
who has met my dad can attest this.

My dad who is ever affectionate, always hugging and
kissing. My dad who so openly expresses his love for
his family. Who never fails to tell me how much he loves me,
misses me and how he wishes he could hug me right now.

I know for a fact that my dad is a rare breed, and I
could search the world over and never find anyone who
can quite compare to him. No man can ever replace
what my dad is to me. Ever.

Thank you, Dad, for all that you have done and are
continuing to do for us, your family. You know I would
never be where I am if not for you, and I would never
be who I am without your wisdom, support, guidance
and love. For having you as my dad, I am truly
blessed. I love you, Daddy! Happy Father's Day.

So so proud of my niece Bea, who brought home gold - #1 in figure skating.




I hope and pray she does pursue this and eventually land herself in London - for the 2012 OLYMPICS!



Well done, Bea-pottie! we are so proud of you. we all love you very much!

"In the childhood memories of every good cook, there's a large kitchen, a warm stove, a simmering pot and a MOM."
~ Barbara Costikyan

For my Mom, who will drop everything, cancel everything, and be with me...whenever, wherever I need her...who has me covered in prayers that the Lord cover and protect me with His precious blood...that my life be always filled with His blessings and favour...for my Mom who so lovingly sends me packages filled with all my favourite things, through the post...who will always take the time to patiently teach me and share with me recipes only she knows by heart...for my Mom, who can dry my tears down the telephone...for her wisdom, and her love, and for "loving who I love"...I am forever grateful.

Thank you for my childhood.

Thank you for my life.

Thank you for a life filled with memories to see me through.

Thank you for making me feel that nothing is worth more than having me home...and for making my every homecoming the highlight of your year.

Thank you for my "hero's welcome" year after year after year.

Thank you for making me feel wanted, precious, irreplaceable.


Of all the Mothers in the world, how wonderful that you are mine.

I love you, Mom, and I miss you everyday. Happy Mother's Day.

This is so sad.

Today my eldest niece turns 13. Wow, I can't believe we have a teenager!!! When I was home for vacation last November, I sort of got a sneak preview of the long and winding road ahead...waaaaaaaaah!!! Needless to say, the experience had quite a bit of drama. I do not want to think how I would be with my own kids once they hit adolescence. Puberty always scared me.

Nevertheless, I marvel at how grown up our Sophie has become, all independent and responsible. I loved the late nights spent chatting and sharing secrets, the endless question-and-answer sessions. In the same way, I didn't exactly like the little spats, and wasn't really too keen on the non-verbal-Sophie, and her being on the net for hours on end, but hey, it's part of the whole package. I've realised that. When I left, there was a little tampuhan, but it touched my heart how she insisted on not going to school that morning, so she could come to drop me off at the airport. We sat in silence the whole trip to NAIA. When I got to London and started to unpack my carry-on luggage, I saw her letter. Beautifully written. How I cried. This is it, I thought. She's grown up now and no longer a baby.

I can only pray for Sophie, and that her life be always blessed. May she also always know how very loved she is, and I wish she continues to grow into the beautiful, sweet young lady she has started to become. Most importantly, may she always be a good girl the whole Ohana can be proud of.

Love you, my little Ping. Happy Birthday!

Like A Comet
Blazing 'Cross The Evening Sky
Gone Too Soon

Like A Rainbow
Fading In The Twinkling Of An Eye
Gone Too Soon

Shiny And Sparkly
And Splendidly Bright
Here One Day
Gone One Night

Like The Loss Of Sunlight
On A Cloudy Afternoon
Gone Too Soon

Like A Castle
Built Upon A Sandy Beach
Gone Too Soon

Like A Perfect Flower
That Is Just Beyond Your Reach
Gone Too Soon

Born To Amuse, To Inspire, To Delight
Here One Day
Gone One Night

Like A Sunset
Dying With The Rising Of The Moon
Gone Too Soon

Gone Too Soon


It took a while before I could share this. This here, is a pastel portrait of my niece, Angelie Fellici. Born at 6 1/2 months old, on the 1st of January, 2009.

Our little Angelie went back home to be with Jesus after 17 short days, all of which she fought her hardest to survive the tubes and needles inserted into her tiny body. My mom said she never once cried or complained, she just took it all, as if saying, "look, I can do it!". Just before she passed, she was breathing on her own, unsupported by machines, willing to live. In the final moments, she suddenly smiled, as if she was seeing something so wonderful, or seeing someone whom she knew loved her. Angelie's life was physically hard, and painful, and to this day I often wonder, what was the whole point? I've known other babies born premature to survive. Why not our Angelie??? No one, especially babies, should ever have to suffer like that.

But, the Lord has reasons, and His ways are indeed higher than ours. I may not understand all that has happened, but I know that Geli's life had purpose. She is now looking down on us from Heaven, dancing in streets of gold. I cry at never having had the chance to know her, touch her or hold her. I can only hope she knows have very much she was loved and wanted...and that we will finally meet, someday, in Heaven.

Angelie was buried on the 18th of January, the saddest birthday of my life. My birthday will never mean the same again.

When my pamangkins are all together, oh my God, chaos!!! And even if there are just two of them at a time, nakakabaliw yung ingay. Like yesterday, on our way from viewing the construction of the house my brother recently bought, Bea and Joaqui were sitting in the backseat with Yaya Chinnie, ang ingay-ingay, I could hardly carry on a conversation with my mom, who was driving, beside me. They were playing their usual game "I spy", so of course they were getting more and more excited, their voices getting louder and louder. I woke up with a headache, and the noise was making me masungit.

I turned to them and said, "Please guys! don't make so much noise naman!". It quieted down for about 20 seconds. Then loud talking and squealing again. I decided to bribe them (I know, bad me!), I said I'd give a prize to whoever can keep quiet ALL the way to their other lola's house in Tahanan, where they were going to fly a kite. Aba, silence. Wow, that's all it needed, bribery. After a few more seconds, I could hear rustling, as both of them were doing sign-language and trying to talk in *loud* whispers. My mom started to talk amidst trying to stiffle her laughter. The kids were getting restless.

Me: Ma! that goes for you too! No talking!
Mom: Waaait, I have a question!
Me: Ok, what?

Before my mom could ask her question...

Joaqui: Tita Boo? is it okay if I talk lang with my brain?

*laughter all the way.

Just one more sleep to go, and I'm HOMEWARD BOUND! Doesn't matter that the flight(s) will seem to take forever, like they always do... I'm going home!

I'm so excited cause my Mom and Dad will fly to Hong Kong again this week, to be waiting for me when I land. It will be such a lovely salubong, and I'm really looking forward to this holiday with them, before we fly back together to Manila.

I can't wait to feel the sun on my face again. What a welcome break from the freezing cold, I just hope I don't get sick again (which always happens) when I go through extreme climate changes. Anyhow, I'm going home!

Today, the baby of our family turns 4 yrs old.

Happy birthday, dearest Paolala! May you always, always know how very much we all love you, and how precious you are to us.

Fifa Boo can't wait to see you again. I love you.

Another one of my precious pamangkins is celebrating a birthday. Our lovely Andrea is 7! Time does indeed fly and I'm left feeling older once again.

'Dre is a sweetheart. An intelligent and kind-hearted little girl who loves animals (takes after me!). She is also a girly-girl and at such a young age already preferred to wear 'heels' over flats - and with such grace!

It was also 'Dre who, during a funny moment (mine), laughed at my joke politely and lovingly touched my cheek and said: "Awww FIFA BOO!" - (she meant to say "TITA Boo")- and so that's how my nephews' and nieces' nickname for me came to be. =)

Happy Birthday, 'Dre. Fifa Boo loves you very much.

*The first photo is 'Dre with her dad during recognition day. The second photo was 'Dre as a flower girl during her parents' wedding in December last year.

Today is my maternal grandmother's birthday. She passed away 4 years ago. I am remembering her and thought I'd repost an entry I wrote on her first death anniversary. I have been blessed to be able to enjoy ALL my grandparents, both from my Dad's and Mom's side. I believe that grandparents do a lot in shaping the lives of their grandchildren, mostly by creating memories that do indeed last long after their grandparents have passed on. My nephews and nieces are blessed beyond measure that they have my parents, their Gapa and Nama .

This post is quite long. Happy Birthday, Lola!

Lola Rita

"I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge,I believe that myth is more potent than history,I believe that dreams are more powerful than facts,I believe that hope always triumphs over experience,I believe that laughter is the only cure for grief,and I believe that Love is stronger than death."-Robert Fulghum

It's been a year already since Lola passed away. Time flies so fast, I can't believe it's been that long already. There are days I find myself thinking of her, and missing her. Her laughter, her company, her recipes, watching tv with her, playing bingo, reading kislap magazines, making pasyal. I grew up close to my grandparents. Grandparents on both sides. I had a relationship with each one of them that defied age and generation gaps. I grew up with Lola, not living with her (in her house), but with her. All the summers of my life, I'd have numerous sleep overs at her house, and it would be such a blast! It was always a treat for me to have her stay with us for several weeks. Christmases, New years, Birthdays, Christenings...Lola was always there.

When I was a sagala in our local santacruzan, Lola made my gown. She lovingly and painstakingly created it from scratch. When I started 1st Grade, she sewed my uniforms. She was always present in all the important events, and she was always so proud to be there for us. When I was little, I stayed with her, for 10 days. I remember that was the first time I was away from my parents, alone, and on my own. She was still living in Sta. Ana, and the entire overnight experience was new to me. The sights, the sounds, the smells. I would look out from the sliding windows and feel I was so homesick, but she made it better. I would lay on her easychair and pretend to "know" how to play Mastermind. Lola taught me how to string beads of a rosary together. I would watch her as she made rosaries of all shapes, colours and sizes. She would give them away to her friends. We would walk to the nearby town plaza and because I'd accompany her to the market, she would buy me a small present every time. My favorites were the small beaded coin purses and tsinelas (slippers/flip-flops) she would buy for me. I'd have rubber slippers, beaded ones, open-toe, thongs, nets etc. Somehow I think lola inspired my love affair with tsinelas! In the mornings, we'd have breakfast together, taho and pandesal with Chiz Whiz. that I would dunk in 'coffee'. She would let me have a very weak coffee, just for the sake of. In the afternoons, we'd sleep siesta and when I woke up it was time for fishballs, barbeque and my favorite chicken mami which we would buy in Mang Ben's sari-sari store. She would buy me my chocolate gold coins, tarzan bubblegum and jojo candy.

As I grew up, she was always so proud when I would be chosen Class Muse or Mama Mary for the Christmas programme. After Lola moved to Pasig, whenever I'd visit,she would always remind me to lose weight. She would always request me to keep my hair long. She kept pictures of all her apos and I would often see her staring at the pictures. In the afternoons, after lunch and all her noon-time shows, she would nod off to sleep, in her chair. I'd tell her to come to the bed and lay down...to which she'd answer, "No...I'm just resting my eyes". I loved all those times I went to Lola's house, most of all because whenever we'd go there, it was always such a happy welcome we'd receive. I didn't realise it then but all the times I spent with her, I was making memories with her that would last me through, to when she would no longer there. I was never able to say the goodbye I wanted to say to her, and I will always regret this. I hope Lola understands and I hope she knows how much I love her. I remember her just as she was when she was all healthy and strong. When there was no confusion or sadness, anger, sickness, pain. I remember Lola's smile, her hugs, her kisses, how she calls all her apos "mahang", and most of all her laughter (bigay na bigay). She would always be so interested to hear all my kwento. When I moved to London, we would often talk on the phone, and her trademark question was "Kelan ka uuwi,boo? Sana sa Christmas, ano? Para sama-sama tayo".

When I came home after two years, that would have been the last Christmas I'd ever spend with her. Lola was sick already, with ventillators and oxygen tanks by her bed and tubes in her nose, but the moment I walked up to her bed, she recognised me and started to cry. This was not the Lola I remember. It was most difficult seeing my ever-independent Lola completely relying on nurses that would stay and watch her round-the-clock. I would sometimes go to her room and just sit with her. She'd be up all night, because of her medications and though restless, she would calm down a bit and start to talk. Saying things over and over again, but I somehow felt she was completely aware of what she was saying. So many things happened in between, so many issues, so much feuding, so much pain. For everyone. I left Manila with a promise that I would come back soon. I didn't keep my promise completely. I came back two months after, but Lola was gone. I remember, on the day she died, I called my mom very early, after being restless all night. She told me to talk to Lola, who was then already in ICU. She couldn't talk but she could hear me. I told my lola I loved her, that I would come home soon so wait for me... my mom said Lola was nodding her head. Little did I know that it would be my last ever 'conversation' with her. After a few hours, I got a call from my dad, Lola had passed away. It was one of the worst feelings in the world, to get that kind of call. It's like you expect it,at some point, but not really. Coming home to say my final goodbye was so hard. To this day I think about what could have been, had I been able to come home and say goodbye in person. Maybe I would have closure. I did get to see and hug her one last time, and I did get to bury her. But somehow I feel incomplete.

It's been a year already. I still miss my lola's yemas. Our meals together in her home with her home-made burgers, her croquettas, our quality time together, walking to Urambo, making pasyal to megamall and shagri-la...and when she'd be staying with us, to Phase 1.

Lola taught me to read. I will always be grateful to her for introducing me to the world of books. "Run, Tagpi, Run" and all those afternoons playing bingo in the terrace will forever be etched in my memory.

I love you, Lola. And I miss you terribly.

My niece Bea is 8 years old today! When I left for London the first time, she was only a few months old. Now I can't believe our pretty little Potee-Pie is so big already. I look at my pamangkins (nephews and nieces) and am awed at how quick they grow and how fast the years go by. Makes me feel so old. =(

Happy Birthday, Bey. Tita Boo loves you! Ho ho much!

* In the first photo, Bea is holding Mimzy, her beloved bunny which she can't sleep without. Whenever I'm in Manila, we have this running game, of me stealing Mimzy and 'pretending' to 'pack' her in my suitcase, ready to go back with me to London. To this day, I can't seem to convince Bea to let me 'borrow' Mimzy, she just can't part with her.

My parents are in Hong Kong. I have been passing the day feeling sentimental. I'm so homesick!. Throughout the day I encounter passengers whose last flight destination is Hong Kong, and I know that if I were to board the HK-bound aircraft, I'd be able to see and hug my Mom and Dad right now. One plane ride. I can't wait to go home. I am so tired. My body is tired, my brain is tired. I just want to go home and be free from my London life...for a while.

At work, I have come to realise that it is possible to feel lonely in a crowd. I used to think I could be alone, but not lonely. I've changed my mind. Now I am just sad. I pray for a way to move on. I know the Lord has bigger plans for me, and I just need to wait patiently for Him to reveal what it is I really have to do. My mom says that at the moment, I am where I'm supposed to be. I do believe this, with my heart, I do. It's just that sometimes, I get frustrated with all the waiting. I let the day-to-day happenings get the better of me. I think I'm just really tired, and I feel so burned out.

Nothing going home to Manila can't cure.

I need my safe place.

I need HOME.

I'm so happy for my Tita Peachy (she's my dad's youngest sister) and Tito Carlo and cousins Nina and Mia. After years of waiting, their family finally took their Oath of Citizenship as new Canadians. It was a long journey and it's such happy news that after enduring years away from home and their loved ones, it has all paid off. It couldn't come at a better time, too. What a lovely birthday present for Tita Peach.

This brings me to think about myself and where I'm at. I did not plan to be in London. I didn't even dream of coming here. It has been a long journey for me as well. But then again, no one asked me to choose the UK. There was no motive for me to be here. It just happened. And it was because of my parents' generosity and LOVE (who would ever want to bear having their children far away from them?) that I am here. And my choosing to stay now has brought forth so many experiences. It's not easy to be away from one's family. I still do get homesick (really badly). I still imagine what it would be like to be carefree and FREE of all the responsibilities of juggling work and home.

It's not easy.

But I'm here.

And I'm surviving.

But it really does help to have someone to share the journey with. It just make being so far away from home more bearable.

This is Paola, my brother's youngest daughter. We fondly call her Polala or Lala. Between my brothers' kids, she is our family's bunso. But not for long. I recently found out that in 2009, we will have yet another addition to our ever growing family. My brother Paolo and sis-in-law Bheng are having another baby! How exciting, something to look forward to! So in no time at all, my brother will have 5 kids! Sophie, Andrea, Xavy, Paola...and baby-to-be. Congratulations Bro and Sis!

These are Ting's kids, Marcus, Bella and Gabrie. Here they are posing in the London shirts I sent them. Aren't the kids so cute?

Marcus looks so much like his dad Marlon, while Bella and Gabrie look like Ting.

Marcus is my godson, but I've never ever met him, or any of them for that matter.

They call me "tita BOOPS"

Strange, isn't it, that I've never met my bestfriend's children? I hope to finally be able to meet them real soon.

Pranav's cousin Rishi got married today. Although I've attended weddings in London before, it was my first time to attend a very traditional Indian Wedding, complete with rituals that accompany their marriage ceremony. It was also the first time we met his bride, Taj. Because Rishi is an only child, you can imagine how his wedding, with hundreds and hundreds of people could be really OTT.

It was quite an experience, with all the sights and sounds. The colours of beautiful Indian suits and dresses, the delicious food, the music (real bangra), and the lovely newly-weds. May every happiness be theirs, today and always.

08.08.08

Today happens to be the luckiest (or should I say MOST BLESSED) day ever...my parents are celebrating their 35th Wedding Anniversary!

I bless and honour my parents. It is because of them that my brothers and I live favoured and abundant lives. May the Lord bless them always.

I love you, Mom & Dad!

When she was born, I begged my brother Pao and sis-in-law Bheng to name her Sophie. My dad wanted her to be called Michaela. To honor both lolas, they added Leanne, as a combination of Lea (Bheng's mom)and Annette (my mom)...and so we ended up with this pretty name Sophia Michaela Leanne.

Sophie is very talented. She tops her class and receives multiple honors. She is our little chef, artist, fashionista, musician, figure skater all rolled into one. I'm so proud of this little girl, and I wish she would always know how much we love her.

It's still my dream to have her spend a summer (or as many summers as she wants) with us here in London. *calling on Bheng: hello? passport please?*